Even though I haven’t gone to school in 25 years, June always means the end of the year to me. When I was younger, it signified a summer of sleeping late, going swimming, and doing pretty much whatever I wanted to. What happened to the excitement that summer used to bring? I've got some strategies to help you take the stress out of summer.

I'd also like to introduce you to Grace Monêt, the newest member of the Secret Order of the Tiara. In this issue, Grace shares her story, "Bookworm Emerges as Author".

Finally, a big, big welcome to all of our new subscribers. And thanks to those of you who have been telling your friends and colleagues about SOS Monthly.

P.S. Don't forget to check out my blog--if you need a little SOS fix between issues. Recent entries include:  The Best Live Events Don't Fall Off a Cliff, Manifesting the Manifesto, and She's Gone!

School's Out:  Stay Sane This Summer

Even though I haven’t gone to school in 25 years, June always means the end of the year to me. When I was younger, it signified a summer of sleeping late, going swimming, and doing pretty much whatever I wanted to. As a teenager, it meant I could work more, earn more money, and hang out more with my friends. All pretty great stuff, right?

Now it means frantically rearranging my own schedule to accommodate the newly flexible schedule of my daughter. There are weeks when she’ll be at a day camp; there are weeks when she’ll have nothing scheduled. It makes it harder to schedule meetings, client calls, and other work activities. Add to that the fact that summer is the time when a lot of friends and family think it would be really cool to visit us in our Island paradise. I guess what I’m trying to say is that now, summer means my schedule is almost totally not my own, and it has the tendency to become the most stressful of all seasons.

Over the last few years, I’ve developed some strategies for taking the stress out of summer. If the words “School’s Out!” or “Summer’s here!” send you cowering into a corner, I urge you to try at least one of these for yourself.

Maintain your schedule.

Back in the day, summer meant I could laze around and sleep in. Now I keep my alarm set for “school year” time all year round. It buys me an hour or two of quiet time each morning. Time to journal, to work without interruptions, to take a walk. And it creates a two-hour window during the high-activity time of day, during which I can be flexible.

If you’re a parent, get your child on a schedule, too. If you’re a parent who works outside the home, you already know a summer childcare program is a must. If you’re a parent who works in the home (either as a stay-at-home parent or in a home-based business), I urge you to consider summer childcare as well. Enrolling kids in a summer program (any summer program will do), will make them happier because they’ll have a place where they can blow off steam, play with other kids and possibly learn something. It will make you happier because you won’t experience any of the guilt of trying to get your work done while making sure the kids are entertained.

Go to the beach (or the pool, or just the back yard).

I mean it. You don’t have to deprive yourself of summer fun. And you don’t have to skip work to do it. If you work outside the home, plan one evening a month (or more often, if you can), to bring dinner to the beach, or have a family swim at the local pool, or simply barbeque in the back yard and turn on the sprinklers. If you work at home, you might be able to be a bit more flexible with your time, and schedule some beach time during the day.

For example, based on the weather forecast last weekend, last Wednesday was shaping up to be a beautiful beach day here, sandwiched in between cloudy/rainy days. And it just so happened that I had only two appointments that day:  one at 10AM and one at 4PM. So I did all my “computer-required” work early in the morning, and gathered up all my writing/listening work to take with me. I told my daughter to be ready to go at 11AM, and to call her friends to join her (Having her friends there keeps her occupied while I work, and I’m lucky enough that she’s at an age where I am required to become invisible when her friends are around.). We enjoyed a lovely few hours at the beach, and I got a pile of work done to boot!

Know your limits.

This is the tough one. Summer places all kinds of extra demands on our time:  parties, houseguests, vacations, etc. Know how much “fun” or “entertaining” you can really deal with, in addition to your regular activities. And know that it’s OK to say no once in a while. I learned this one the hard way a few years ago.

We were living in California, and had just bought our home here on Martha’s Vineyard. We were planning to spend our first summer here, and my husband and I had rearranged our work schedules and set up our new home with all the technology we needed to work remotely. Then we had tons of friends and family members wanting to visit, and we thought it would be great to show off our new home, and to share this place that is so very special to us. Before we knew it, we had committed to having houseguests for nearly every single day of our summer vacation. There were days when one group would leave in the morning, and another would arrive in the afternoon. Needless to say, that particular summer was more stressful than any other season in the stress-filled land of Silicon Valley, where we lived the rest of the year.

"Bookworm Emerges as Author"

by Grace Monêt

In 1968, when I was 13, my family was in a bad car crash that took the lives of my mother and first younger brother. It's an unthinkable situation. People did not know what to think or do, but everyone had a good heart and the best intentions.

The reactions I noticed in myself were surprising and perplexing - very little reaction while I was a teen, then--bam!--delayed reactions that started in my late 20s. Because I didn't know what to expect, I made some unwise decisions.

The most perplexing aspect was my need to "fix" the situation. It didn't matter that the situation was impossible. The reaction was caused by an emotional regression at age 13, combined with magical thinking and a child's natural self-centered perspective. The key to this hidden, delayed reaction was that although the unconscious desire to fix the situation happened immediately, I was unable to feel it, and powerless to attempt it until I graduated from high school and left the nest.

I've learned that in the case of tragedy, the child's and adult's grief reactions are unfortunately timed. A child, or in this case, the teenager that I was, could not feel or experience the expected severe emotional pain. The adults felt it right away. I felt guilty for not feeling sufficiently miserable! No adult would guess that a child would feel guilty for such an event. They didn’t know to ask, I didn’t know to mention it. If I had, they would have explained things and set me straight.

I became what’s now known as the “invisible child.” That is, I didn’t want to cause any trouble or any more grief, so kept quiet. When I grew up and was on my own, the "fixing" took the form of attraction to men who had problems. At the same time, I couldn't consciously admit it!  I was married twice when young. I'm now married to my third husband, and our 17th anniversary is coming up on July 2.

I've been an office worker from high school on, except during college. In the middle of all this, in my late 20s, I realized that I had a hearing problem and started to wear a hearing aid. That in itself was a bit of a challenge.

I started out as a secretary with a tech school education, before PCs were everywhere. In the 80s, I went to two years of college, then a couple of quarters of tech school to learn word processing.

From 1986 to 1990, I worked full time and attended college as a “non-traditional adult learner." I graduated from Capital University in Columbus, Ohio, in 1990, at age 30.

A few months after that, I started making notes to myself. A few months later, I realized I was writing a book. Seven years later, the book was completed. I was still processing the delayed reactions, reading as needed, etc. (In the book, I tried to explain to teens the unthinkable, and make the situation less scary. Teens share their experiences with their friends. Losing a parent is not the kind of situation most teens girls know (thank goodness!). The best most people can do is guess, and the guesses are usually wrong. I’m not saying I know it all, but I’ve experienced it.)

Seven years after the book was completed, it was published. (My book doesn't fit the entertainment or mystery genre.) The book was released by PublishAmerica in March 2004 and is called Mama’s In Heaven—But You Can Manage. Presently, the follow-up book has been completed, and the contract is in the mail. That book is called Mama's In Heaven—Delayed Reactions. In 1994, I opened a business for my books, "Little Gracie Productions, LLC," here in Charleston, West Virginia.

At present, I'm working for the State of West Virginia as a transcriptionist, and am also studying marketing, etc., in efforts to obtain financing for my business, to open an online store, etc. I even have a volunteer through SCORE. Tonight, online, I registered to do my first workshop. This one will be at a "Survivors of Trauma" arts festival in July.  

And throughout my life and experiences, I’ve learned a few things:

• Trust my intuition, even if it often feels like treading water, and the path takes me where I don’t really want to go. The truth is that I need that experience, but the end results are good. If I only stay within what I know, I’ll never grow.
• The strong desire for my college degree, or “piece of paper,” led me to study subjects that were frightening. The desire made me stretch what I thought I could do. Each achievement along the way developed more self-esteem and created the willingness to try the next thing.
• My opinion is as valuable as anyone else’s. It’s okay if people disagree with my writing. The basis of literature is the exchange of ideas. 
• It doesn’t matter if I can’t see the end result of my efforts, because they become apparent at the right time.
• There is no time crunch for personal development.  It takes as long as it takes, and that’s all right.
• The “rocking chair” theory. This is a theory is for preventing future regret. Later in life, people regret things they did not do, instead of things they did. When I’m 80 years old, sitting in my rocking chair, do I want to kick myself for things not tried, or enjoy memories of things attempted and accomplished?
• I’ve come to believe that each of us is connected to God by a spark of divinity. This inner spark is also how prayer, positive thinking, and gratitude work. God is not only some force “out there.” If I’m a child of God, there is something inside that connects me, as certainly as my parents’ genetic code was passed. 
• As corny as they sound, “Positive Thinking” theory, setting goals and writing down ideas are all helpful. 
• Gratitude works. Ten years ago, in 1996, my hubby and I were at our lowest economic point. Things looked quite bleak and conditions were difficult. I’d read a lot about positive thinking, and the connected law of gratitude( along with the universal Law of Attraction). That was when I decided to be grateful and give thanks for the smallest good thing I saw and each time something good was noticed. That included signal lights that were well timed, plants in bloom, the blue sky, a compliment, love shown to me, good things in my life. (There are always good things in life, sometimes one just has to look.) Eventually, my general attitude changed. The more often I noticed good things, the more good things came my way. 
• If I’m working on a project, it’s important that I keep at it, even if it’s just a little something. Each little step makes the next step possible. 

Grace Monêt’s background includes extensive reading, a secretarial career, and a bachelor degree.  “Book writing” was a surprise result of life experience and education. You can contact Grace at gracemonet@charter.net.

Click here to find out more about the Secret Order of the Tiara...

Our First Live "Audience"!

On May 31, we did a special, live, Audiences with Queens. Here are the questions we asked Anna Stewart, Mother Guide and author of Mother Blessings:  Honoring Women Becoming Mothers, in our first live "audience".

• What is a Mother Blessing or Blessingway?
• Why do we need ceremonies to become mothers?
• What are some common experiences women have during a Mother Blessing?
• How are families adopting and pregnant women similar?
  
  And, since this was our first live "Audience" we have callers sharing their own experiences as well. Listen now...

Get Involved, Get In Touch

If you’re interested in exploring more about life transformation, personal power, and cage rattling, or just about tiaras and the really cool women who wear them, here are just some of the ways for you to connect.

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The mission of SOS Monthly is to inspire and empower you to lead the big life you want--right now! Comments, feedback and ideas for stories are always welcome.  Also, please feel free to forward this along to anyone who might be interested and/or benefit from its contents. All story ideas, comments and suggestions are most welcome.  Send me your input!

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